No Substitutions, Please – A show about food, and the things people do to it.

Episode 134: Maduros

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Episode 134: Maduros

00:00 / 52:14

Noah and Louisa prove that even when you think the plantains sitting on your counter couldn’t possibly be usable, they find a way to surprise you. Also, Noah gets his Puerto Rican tarjeta revoked. Join our Patreon! Follow us:@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. Our theme is Street […]

Episode 133: Enchiladas

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Episode 133: Enchiladas

00:00 / 44:13

Fill a tortilla, surround it with sauce, bake cheese on top—what’s not to love? Well, let Noah and Louisa tell you.

Episode 132: Roasted Garlic

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Episode 132: Roasted Garlic

00:00 / 45:42

Even as sharp a customer as garlic, in the end, surrenders and sweetens in a constant low heat. Noah and Louisa talk about why people seem unable to realize that’s what they’re supposed to be making.

Episode 131: Braised Brisket

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Episode 131: Braised Brisket

00:00 / 52:43

The thing about a cheap cut of meat is that, once you figure out how to properly cook it, it stops being cheap really quickly. Noah and Louisa dig into one of the best-known examples.

Episode 130: Panna Cotta

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Episode 130: Panna Cotta

00:00 / 52:24

A jiggly monument to the wonderful flavor of fresh dairy, or the least stressful dessert in the world if you’re paying attention? Noah and Louisa help you decide.

Episode 129: How We Became Cooks

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Episode 129: How We Became Cooks

00:00 / 55:09

And now for something completely different—instead of picking a food and dunking on the people who can’t get it right, Noah and Louisa talk about how they weren’t always the masterful cooks and podcast hosts you hear before you today. And there’s a big announcement, to boot.

Episode 128: Potato Skins

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Episode 128: Potato Skins

00:00 / 55:59

No food we have ever covered on this show has more deserved being compared to a boat, so we’re just going to hit the accelerator on this one. These are the appetizer equivalent of a VIking funeral, in that they are small vessels you set on fire and there’s usually alcohol involved. What else do you need to know?

Episode 127: Tuna Salad

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Episode 127: Tuna Salad

00:00 / 1:09:48

The substance that binds American childhoods together. Whether you like it plain-Jane mayonnaise or fancy, sharp, and full of stuff that isn’t tuna, you’ve had this before, and you probably know exactly how you feel about it. Noah and Louisa tell you their part of the story.

Episode 126: (#)Gravy

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Episode 126: (#)Gravy

00:00 / 53:00

Noah and Louisa succumb to a silly meme. No, they’re totally not using it as an excuse to talk about the fondation of every truly transcendent meat dish. How dare you insinuate that? Follow us:@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. Our theme is Street Food, […]

Episode 125: Mississippi Mud Pie

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Episode 125: Mississippi Mud Pie

00:00 / 45:01

Why are there so many foods with real gross names? Noah attempts to get over it while Louisa extols the virtues of this triple- (or quadruple-, if you’re not a coward) chocolate pie.

Episode 124: Spanakopita

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Episode 124: Spanakopita

00:00 / 1:02:06

We know what you’re all thinking: this show needs more discussion of The Odyssey. Noah and Louisa oblige.

Episode 123: Fried Calamari

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Episode 123: Fried Calamari

00:00 / 55:21

We know what you’re all thinking: this show needs more discussion of Star Wars. Noah and Louisa oblige. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License. Our cover art includes work […]

Episode 122: Shakshuka

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Episode 122: Shakshuka

00:00 / 1:04:38

The Mediterranean dish that proves if it’s liquid, you can poach eggs in it. Noah and Louisa meant to talk about that food for an hour and change; the culinary gods had other plans.

Episode 121: Pastelón

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Episode 121: Pastelón

00:00 / 58:47

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union between two of the most important foods in global culinary history: picadillo and plantains. Noah and Louisa, neither of them capable of holding their peace (even for a moment), rhapsodize about the results.

Episode 120: Stuffed Mushrooms

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Episode 120: Stuffed Mushrooms

00:00 / 1:04:36

Just as the monsters who will do battle with the gods at Ragnarök were ferried aboard the keratinous Naglfar, this fungal fleet ferries the flavors of cream cheese, scallions, bacon, and breadcrumbs, and more to your felicitous guests. So Noah and Louisa talk about them, using much less disgusting metaphors. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on […]

Episode 119: Chicken Paprikash

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Episode 119: Chicken Paprikash

00:00 / 53:22

The official* dish of Dracula Day, a Midwestern comfort classic, and (if you’re Noah) a possible explanation for historical events of great importance, this is also the hardest food to pronounce we’ve ever done on this show.

Episode 118: Roast Leg of Lamb

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Episode 118: Roast Leg of Lamb

00:00 / 53:37

It is risen—and by “it,” we mean the temperature in your oven as you cook this delectable meal. Noah and Louisa discover that they have very different frames of reference when it comes to this Easter classic.

Episode 117: Avocado Toast

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Episode 117: Avocado Toast

00:00 / 1:00:08

If only this had never been invented, the Great Recession could’ve been avoided. Noah and Louisa talk about the food that put housing, healthcare and more entirely out of an entire generation’s economic reach. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. Our theme is Street […]

Episode 116: Biscuits & Gravy

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Episode 116: Biscuits & Gravy

00:00 / 50:37

Humanity has labored for millennia to discover the perfect breakfast. Well, wonder no more: a flavorful, rich, creamy sauce ladled over flaky, golden bivalves of bread. Noah and Louisa rhapsodize about an honorable diner food even further than this description already does. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, […]

Episode 115: Irish Soda Bread

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Episode 115: Irish Soda Bread

00:00 / 51:29

From the dark Satanic mills of nineteenth-century London, to the misty watercolored (false) memories the United States seems to have about the way Ireland was, to the table at everyone’s St. Patrick’s Day celebration, this is . . . actually, it’s pretty great. So, of course, Louisa and Noah find the people who ruined it all.

Episode 114: Peanut Butter Cookies

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Episode 114: Peanut Butter Cookies

00:00 / 57:51

Soft without being mushy, rich without being overly decadent, these cookies are reminders that a simple and mild dessert can be wonderful. So, naturally, Noah and Louisa talk about how to complicate the absolute hell out of them. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. […]

Episode 113: Creamed Greens

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Episode 113: Creamed Greens

00:00 / 52:45

If you want to feel like you’re sitting down to a meal at a midcentury steakhouse, you can’t do much better than a side of hearty greens surrounded with rich dairy. Noah and Louisa discuss the ins and outs of making this surprisingly rewarding accompaniment.

Episode 112: Shrimp and Grits

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Episode 112: Shrimp and Grits

00:00 / 54:56

We go a little bit north from our last episode for another coastal treat: a mix of hearty, creamy, well-cooked grits and heavily-seasoned and sauced shrimp. Who says no? Not Noah and Louisa, who manage to use it as a springboard to discuss several of their favorite media instead. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. […]

Episode 111: Jambalaya

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Episode 111: Jambalaya

00:00 / 1:00:42

With Mardi Gras on the horizon, how could we not take a quick trip down to Louisiana? Noah and Louisa talk about how to make the world’s mightiest rice stew, and how not to accidentally make some other Cajun food instead.

Episode 110: Spinach Artichoke Dip

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Episode 110: Spinach Artichoke Dip

00:00 / 45:08

Neither Noah nor Louisa is a fan of American football, but that’s not going to stop them from digging into the usual Super Bowl spread—metaphorically or literally. This time, they get into what makes a food “Mediterranean,” dunk a bit on the Ñational Football League (not a typo), and even manage to find a couple ways to elevate your typical dip.

Episode 109: Cauliflower

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Episode 109: Cauliflower

00:00 / 53:50

For the third entry of our Brassicameron—the No Substitutions, Please take on the Cornetto Trilogy, obviously—we take on the fluffy white cabbage that’s been with us since the Romans insisted on calling it by a thousand different names. Noah and Louisa talk about all the things you can do with that thing that looks like the ghost of broccoli.

Episode 108: Schnitzel

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Episode 108: Schnitzel

00:00 / 1:00:40

The meat that launched a thousand names; no matter what language you use to refer to a vast expanse of flattened, breaded and fried meat, we can all agree it’s a delicious focus for any meal. So, of course, Noah and Louisa take their meat mallets to a few doofuses who can’t seem to get it right.

Episode 107: Cornbread

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Episode 107: Cornbread

00:00 / 52:19

Whether a sweet, brown-topped contrast to rich barbecued meat or a savory round packed with spice and herbs, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with cornbread, which is why everyone on the Internet is willing to get into huge arguments about it. Louisa and Noah strike the perfect ground with their correct opinions, and maybe surprise you along the way.

Episode 106: Crab Cakes

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Episode 106: Crab Cakes

00:00 / 48:06

The arc of the natural universe may be long, but it bends towards crab—and mixed with binders and starches, and your preferred red powders, you can begin your own process of carcinization in the most delicious way. Noah and Louisa go down to Baltimore to take on a United States seafood classic.

Episode 105: Crackers

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Episode 105: Crackers

00:00 / 48:37

From sickbeds to cheeseboards, crackers manage to hold up more than their fair share of the culinary sky—so this week, Louisa and Noah, who has a whole new reason to appreciate a shatteringly crisp bite of food, give them their flours.

Episode 104: Mashed Potatoes

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Episode 104: Mashed Potatoes

00:00 / 1:03:19

After four weeks of (what we assume was) infinite outcry about how we should “stick to food,” we’re back with the homiest, coziest, and perhaps most populist of the Thanksgiving classics: the humble mashed potato, otherwise known as gravy’s favorite surface.

Episode 103: (The Rest of the) Big Night

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Episode 103: (The Rest of the) Big Night

00:00 / 1:18:11

When Noah and Louisa left off last week, all the pieces were on the board, and it was time to throw them against each other and see what happens—in the Aristotelian crucible of the Big Night, of course. In this part, Noah and Louisa discuss the kind of movies you can’t make anymore, talk about […]

Episode 102: Big Night

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Episode 102: Big Night

00:00 / 1:33:54

Since Louisa finally watched Chef, Noah finally had to watch Big Night: the movie that asks, “can a traditional Italian restaurant survive when one-third of its crew is Marc Anthony?” In this part, Louisa and Noah rip on American customers, nominate the performance of the movie, and discuss the general level of heightened sexiness.

Episode 101: Chef! Again!

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Episode 101: Chef! Again!

00:00 / 1:31:02

Last time, Louisa and Noah left Carl Casper on the cusp (cusper?) of a road trip during which he would rediscover his love of cooking and finally have a relationship with his human child that he has. In this part, we discuss the incongruousness of Russell Peters, ten-year-old kids being social media managers, and what exactly empingao means. (Listen, we marked it explicit. This is your problem now.)

Episode 100: Chef!

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Episode 100: Chef!

00:00 / 1:18:43

For our centennial celebration, we tried something a little bit different! Louisa and Noah watch Chef, the movie that asks, “is it possible for a man to serve both his own artistic goals and be commercially successful, as long as Robert Downey Jr and Sofía Vergara front him all the money?” In this part, they talk about that, Bobby Cannavale being emotionally open, and the perfect trifecta of villains in a movie.

Episode 99: Tres Leches

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Episode 99: Tres Leches

00:00 / 59:22

What more fitting way to head towards the turn of our first century than by talking about a dessert only made possible at the turn of the nineteenth? Noah and Louisa discuss one of the most extra sweets in Latin American cooking. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party […]

Episode 98: Picadillo

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Episode 98: Picadillo

00:00 / 1:00:51

Delicious on its own, marvelous as a building block for so many excellent foods: such is the wonder of the ground beef miracle known as picadillo. Noah and Louisa talk about it. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. Our theme is Street […]

Episode 97: Tostones

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Episode 97: Tostones

00:00 / 1:15:30

The best fried starch to have with a meal. Argue with a wall. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License. Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty […]

Episode 96: Tzatziki

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Episode 96: Tzatziki

00:00 / 49:51

What if ranch were more Mediterranean, and also better? Noah and Louisa talk about the world’s most famous cucumber-based condiment. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License. Our […]

Episode 95: Pancakes

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Episode 95: Pancakes

00:00 / 1:08:39

From the humble shrines of Roman household gods to your weekend breakfast, pancakes are a food redolent with history and spirituality. Let Noah and Louisa tell you all about them.

Episode 94: Seared Salmon

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Episode 94: Seared Salmon

00:00 / 54:22

Not just for Fionn mac Cumhaill anymore! You, too, can gain all the knowledge of the world by listening to Louisa and Noah make several other references that will send you to Wikipedia. Also, some fish gets discussed.

Episode 93: Zucchini Fritters

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Episode 93: Zucchini Fritters

00:00 / 1:09:09

Let’s put it this way: even Noah can’t find anything wrong with this preparation. Let him and Louisa tell you about the coolest new way to cook one of nature’s moistest vegetables. All the kids are doing it!

Episode 92: Smashed Burgers

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Episode 92: Smashed Burgers

00:00 / 53:36

Do you want a burger right now? Smashed burgers. Do you want to be able to bite through an entire hamburger without having to unhinge your jaw? Smashed burgers. Do you want to listen to Noah and Louisa get incredibly hungry while discussing comments on a food they both love and clearly wish they were […]

Episode 91: Fried Shrimp

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Episode 91: Fried Shrimp

00:00 / 1:00:15

Remember “soft little fatties?” What if they were crispy little fatties instead, and you could have them one by one in a basket? Noah and Louisa talk about an overlooked classic of the fried seafood family.

Episode 90: Ice Cream

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Episode 90: Ice Cream

00:00 / 1:04:50

Yeah, yeah, I scream, you scream, yadda, yadda. Noah and Louisa talk about the myriad ways in which you can mess up one of the best foods to ever beat the heat. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. Our theme is Street […]

Episode 89: Sherbet

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Episode 89: Sherbet

00:00 / 57:06

Stay with us here: what if ice cream tasted more like the thing you used to flavor it? That’s sherbet. Noah and Louisa talk about one of the best uses for fresh fruit.

Episode 88: Short Ribs

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Episode 88: Short Ribs

00:00 / 58:36

Voted “Most Likely To Sell For At Least Thirty Dollars” every year since 2016 at the Braised Beef Awards, which may or may not exist. Noah and Louisa discuss every upscale restaurant’s favorite force multiplier.

Episode 87: Queso Fundido

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Episode 87: Queso Fundido

00:00 / 56:18

If anyone thinks they have found a more perfect food, let them come forward and be proven wrong. Noah and Louisa pay tribute to the ultimate way to combine cheese and chorizo.

Episode 86: Ratatouille

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Episode 86: Ratatouille

00:00 / 46:41

In which Louisa tries to talk about a simple summer dish with a rich history, and Noah takes every chance he can to insult tomatoes, Pixar, and the concept of soft vegetables.

Episode 85: Onion Rings

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Episode 85: Onion Rings

00:00 / 1:02:30

The rings of real power, if you ask us. If the Elves had made theirs out of onions, Sauron would’ve been too busy eating to ever leave his lands. Noah and Louisa pay tribute to the fried food to rule them all. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party […]

Episode 84: Three-Bean Salad

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Episode 84: Three-Bean Salad

00:00 / 55:35

This episode is fine—it’s good. Actually, it’s great. Noah and Louisa discuss a humble food for humble people, and why a lot of people seem to hate it.

Episode 83: Waffles

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Episode 83: Waffles

00:00 / 49:32

Now that’s one way to square or circle. Faced with a breakfast food they haven’t covered yet, Noah and Louisa are surprisingly decisive on the subject. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed […]

Episode 82: Coleslaw

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Episode 82: Coleslaw

00:00 / 51:07

If you treat it right, it’s a lot more than that green stuff next to your ribs. Join Noah and Louisa on this traipse through the cabbage patch.

Episode 81: Fried Rice

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Episode 81: Fried Rice

00:00 / 1:21:09

We really shouldn’t have used that joke already, huh? Join Noah and Louisa on this tribute to the inadequacy of average kitchen equipment. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz. Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified […]

Episode 80: Fettuccine Alfredo

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Episode 80: Fettuccine Alfredo

00:00 / 51:38

Last week was great if you liked episodes where Noah doesn’t like the food; this week is great if you like episodes where Noah and Louisa go on an absolutely massive tangent that, somehow, is still relevant to the food in question. Oh, yeah, and we talk about some pasta, too.

Episode 79: Baked Potatoes

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Episode 79: Baked Potatoes

00:00 / 1:02:21

No jacket required! Those of you who like episodes where Noah hates the food under discussion, your luck’s in. Ovoids full of perfect fluffy golden potato, or bland and flavorless receptacles in search of toppings? You decide. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: […]

Episode 78: Deviled Ham

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Episode 78: Deviled Ham

00:00 / 59:58

Good as hell! Noah and Louisa talk about the smooth and savory sandwich spread that gives lunches and party trays the extra piquancy of facing God.

Episode 77: Rice Pudding

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Episode 77: Rice Pudding

00:00 / 49:52

What’s better than a bowl of warm, creamy, sweet, spiced rice? Well, a lot of things—especially if you do it wrong. Noah and Louisa find out how surprisingly easy it is to screw up one of the least onerous dishes they’ve ever brought up on the show.

Episode 76: Charred Green Beans

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Episode 76: Charred Green Beans

00:00 / 51:34

Tired of boiled, olive drab, soft and mushy green beans? Why not perk them up the same way Noah and Louisa like to gild every vegetal lily: artfully burn them in hot oil?

Episode 75: Birria Tacos

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Episode 75: Birria Tacos

00:00 / 1:04:53

From a goat stew in Jalisco to a fried taco in Tijuana, to the food trucks of San Diego and beyond, this complex dish has gained decadence at every stop along the way. Noah and Louisa get into all the different steps and their appurtenant pitfalls and wonders.

Episode 74: Fried Tofu

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Episode 74: Fried Tofu

00:00 / 59:59

Tofu: good platform for flavors, decent test of your frying skills, and easy target for jokes if you don’t feel like making an effort. Noah and Louisa get into the methods, the pairings, and most of all, as always, the human-induced horrors of this versatile food.

Episode 73: Quesadillas

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Episode 73: Quesadillas

00:00 / 56:34

Like many other things we’ve covered, you might wonder how it’s possible to screw up putting melted cheese inside a tortilla. Well, as Noah and Louisa have discovered, the simpler a dish gets, the weirder the cooks of the Internet become in response.

Episode 72: Boneless Pork Chops

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Episode 72: Boneless Pork Chops

00:00 / 52:38

Or are they porch chops? The humble, versatile, and wonderful lean cut of pork loin finally gets its due on No Substitutions, Please. Louisa and Noah tell you how to cook it properly, wax poetic about its wide range of accompaniments, and demonstrate that people will refuse to get anything right, no matter how simple.

Episode 71: Risotto

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Episode 71: Risotto

00:00 / 58:20

Who knew a dish this luxurious could be based on simple rice? Well, not just simple rice. You have to get the right kind, and do things in the exactly right order, and pay a lot of attention to what you’re doing—unless you use this one neat trick Noah recently acquired. He and Louisa will be happy to inform you of it.

Episode 70: Roast Broccoli

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Episode 70: Roast Broccoli

00:00 / 48:37

Sulfurous and delightful, cruciferous and enjoyable. Noah and Louisa talk about one of the simplest green sides to any dish, and why people keep overcomplicating it. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on Cohost. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed […]

Episode 69: Chocolate Fondue

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Episode 69: Chocolate Fondue

00:00 / 41:55

If there’s something more decadent than a bowl of liquid chocolate, fortified with dairy and perhaps even flavored with assorted sweets, we should probably keep that knowledge far away from the hands of the people Noah and Louisa talk about in this episode. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on Cohost. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, […]

Episode 68: Seared Scallops

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Episode 68: Seared Scallops

00:00 / 58:41

While everyone else is talking about the Super Bowl, we’re looking forward to Valentine’s Day—and what better way to celebrate the love of your life than making a plate of fresh, sweet, delicately-caramelized scallops? Louisa and Noah discuss all the ways to nail this wonderful dish.

Episode 67: Garlic Bread

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Episode 67: Garlic Bread

00:00 / 49:11

There’s a very important question at the heart of this episode: why have bread with your meal when you can have garlic bread with your meal? Noah and Louisa discuss all the different ways to make this restaurant standard.

Episode 66: Oatmeal

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Episode 66: Oatmeal

00:00 / 50:39

You’d think this humblest of breakfast foods would be simply impossible to screw up. Well, you would think that, if you’d just started listening to us. Noah and Louisa discuss the foibles and follies of people who manage to ruin simplicity itself.

Episode 65: Potatoes Au Gratin

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Episode 65: Potatoes Au Gratin

00:00 / 55:32

Nothing screams “comfort food” more than potatoes and dairy in the same dish, and, well, that’s exactly what this is. Noah and Louisa thinly slice a few fools who somehow manage to make it a difficult experience.

Episode 64: Black Bean Soup

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Episode 64: Black Bean Soup

00:00 / 50:09

From the down-home kitchens of Latin America to, apparently, the kind of place that thinks every soup is a lobster bisque (more on that in a bit), this humble bean broth has hidden depths Noah and Louisa are all too happy to plumb.

Episode 63: Hash Browns

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Episode 63: Hash Browns

00:00 / 44:54

What’s the problem with simple, deliciously shredded, golden-brown, crispy potatoes? Well, each of those adjectives gives people a way to get extremely mad at a breakfast dish. Noah and Louisa talk about why they might even have a point.

Episode 62: Shrimp Cocktail

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Episode 62: Shrimp Cocktail

00:00 / 1:02:23

Ring in the new year with crisp, delicately-flavored seafood in a rich sauce. Noah and Louisa talk about the importance of keeping your shell on, how to ensure a good brine is had by all, and how Venezuelans like to break their mattresses. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on Cohost. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, […]

Episode 61: Gingerbread

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Episode 61: Gingerbread

00:00 / 46:26

What better way to celebrate Christmas Eve than making a flavorful little quick bread to share with your loved ones? Louisa and Noah take their yearly chance to grinch out on the assorted commenters of the Internet. You’ll want to catch this one.

Episode 60: Coquito/Eggnog

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Episode 60: Coquito/Eggnog

00:00 / 58:19

Ah, Christmas—that special time of year when we decide to nestle our booze in cinnamon and cream, and in Puerto RIco, coconut into the bargain. Noah and Louisa talk about these two simple holiday libations, which you’d think would be nigh-impossible to screw up, and yet . . .

Episode 59: Peas

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Episode 59: Peas

00:00 / 49:40

We’re back! After a short hiatus, Noah and Louisa talk about the little green spheres that provide splashes of color and sweetness to so many dishes—assuming you don’t cook them to within an inch of their lives. So kick back, download the episode, and find your inner . . . tranquility.

Episode 58: Pot Roast

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Episode 58: Pot Roast

00:00 / 50:33

Such a one-pot meal they put it in the dang name, and yet so much variation in the recipes that no two people make it the same way—which means it’s some fertile podcasting ground. Noah and Louisa take on one of the truest classics.

Episode 57: Gnocchi

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Episode 57: Gnocchi

00:00 / 53:52

One of the softest, tenderest, and most temperamental of potato formats. Noah and Louisa discuss the myriad ways these dumplings can make trouble for the inexperienced or unconfident cook.

Episode 56: Meatloaf

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Episode 56: Meatloaf

00:00 / 52:45

The dish that defines cafeteria chic—if we’re assuming that “cafeteria chic” is a thing, which it isn’t. Noah and Louisa bat around some fun preparations of this comfort food classic.

Episode 55: Chicken-Fried Steak

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Episode 55: Chicken-Fried Steak

00:00 / 51:10

You’re telling me a chicken fried this steak? Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on Cohost. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon, @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed by the Simplified Pixabay License. Our cover art includes work by artist Kirsty Pargeter.

Episode 54: Guacamole

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Episode 54: Guacamole

00:00 / 56:22

For their final entry of Hispanic Heritage Month, Noah and Louisa take a look at the green that’s good as gold, the magical vegetal with the avocado base, yet another thing on which every American has a completely unsolicited opinion: guacamole. Brace yourselves.

Episode 53: Dulce de Leche / Cajeta

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Episode 53: Dulce de Leche / Cajeta

00:00 / 50:47

Silky, sumptuous, sugar-sweet and sometimes subtly savory, dulce de leche (and cajeta, its caprine cousin) is what the gods would design if they were asked to make the perfect sweet. Noah and Louisa expound on each of this wonderful substance’s many intricacies. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on Cohost. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party […]

Episode 52: Empanad(ill)as

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Episode 52: Empanad(ill)as

00:00 / 1:01:33

How about a treasure chest where the gold is outside? These fried culinary diplomats come in all shapes and sizes, with all kinds of fillings—yes, even that one you just thought of. What’s not to love? Let Noah and Louisa feed you some dumplings of wisdom. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on Cohost. Noah: […]

Episode 51: Mofongo

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Episode 51: Mofongo

00:00 / 47:00

For our first Hispanic Heritage Month episode, we take on one of Noah’s most beloved exemplars of boricua cuisine: the exquisite combination of plantain fried to its golden peak, sharp garlic oil, and savory pork cracklings that goes with everything—from roast pork or chicken to seafood stews. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon. Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social […]

Episode 50: Ground Beef Tacos

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Episode 50: Ground Beef Tacos

00:00 / 1:13:04

Louisa and Noah knew they had to do something special for the half-century mark, and this episode has everything you could want. Start with a base of classic food almost everyone has experienced; top it with an over-pretentious recipe from a member of our rogues’ gallery; slather on some comments that reveal far, far more about the authors than anyone wanted to know; wrap all of that up in a little discourse about culinary colonialism; enjoy! We sure did.

Episode 49: Falafel

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Episode 49: Falafel

00:00 / 32:52

Back after a two-week hiatus! Among the lordliest of the fried foods, these delicious, simple, crispy balls of ground beans and fresh herbs are some of the best things you can put in a pita. Noah and Louisa track down some tips for especial success.

Episode 48: Peach Cobbler

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Episode 48: Peach Cobbler

00:00 / 50:02

Cobbler by any other name would taste as sweet—which is good, because this stuff has more minor variations than Beethoven. Noah and Louisa get to the bottom of all of them. You know, where the peaches are. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on Cohost. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz Our theme […]

Episode 47: Chicken Parmesan

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Episode 47: Chicken Parmesan

00:00 / 55:16

Melted cheese, rich tomato sauce, crispy breaded chicken, well-sauced noodles: what’s not to love? Why not ask Noah, who will spend most of this episode telling Louisa he’d rather be eating something different.

Episode 46: Corn Salad

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Episode 46: Corn Salad

00:00 / 50:38

Lend us your ears, and in silk-smooth voices, Noah and Louisa will have you in total amaizement as they describe the shuck and awe of the summer salads, all based on those golden pearls of sweet glory.

Episode 45: Brownies

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Episode 45: Brownies

00:00 / 45:54

The perfect lunchbox dessert, without which no bake sale is complete. Noah and Louisa reminisce about these fudgy squares, whose present as a no-fuss baked good would surely astonish the people who (supposedly) invented it as a fine dining treat.

Episode 44: Pulled Pork

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Episode 44: Pulled Pork

00:00 / 55:13

A beloved mainstay of many a summer barbecue, whether you like it with spicy vinegar, grown mustard, or that thick brown ketchup Kansas City calls barbecue sauce. Louisa discusses the importance of making an effort, while Noah tries to hang on to his faith in humanity.

Episode 43: French Toast

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Episode 43: French Toast

00:00 / 1:01:48

Have you ever wondered why this breakfast food is associated with the French? Well, Noah and Louisa have no answers for you there—but they’ll spend plenty of time talking about how to make a delicious little bread dish, and all the ways people have failed to improve upon it.

Episode 42: Fish and Chips

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Episode 42: Fish and Chips

00:00 / 59:00

Were you expecting hot dogs? Hamburgers? Some other American food that might be appropriate for the 4th of July? What podcast did you think this was? Noah and Louisa take you back to the Eastern Hemisphere on a journey through Britain, Portugal and Japan to wax poetic about the wonders of battered cod and haddock. […]

Episode 41: Potato Salad

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Episode 41: Potato Salad

00:00 / 53:33

No summer barbecue or 4th of July cookout is complete without someone bringing a big container of this stuff. Which is interesting, because if you’ve ever talked to anyone about it, you quickly learn two things: 1) everyone has their own recipe, and 2) no one seems to actually like it all that much. Noah and Louisa try to figure out why.

Episode 40: Shrimp Scampi

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Episode 40: Shrimp Scampi

00:00 / 55:59

There are few pleasures in life as simple as butter, garlic, and good shrimp—or so you’d think. Noah and Louisa discover that a lot of people have rather interesting ideas on how such a classic combination can be . . . well, is “improved” the right term?

Episode 39: Eggs Benedict

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Episode 39: Eggs Benedict

00:00 / 59:03

The preferred breakfast of traitors, Popes with weird egg deficiencies, and white people getting their weekend drunk on. Noah and Louisa break down every facet of this brunch staple. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on Cohost. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.Louisa: @louisa@mastodon.xyz Our theme is Street Food, by FASSounds, and is governed […]

Episode 38: Key Lime Pie

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Episode 38: Key Lime Pie

00:00 / 49:38

The Florida Keys: bright sun, blue waves, warm sand, haunted dolls—all things that go perfectly with the cool, refreshing taste of key lime juice swathed in rich condensed milk. (We’re assuming here. Neither of us have been.) Noah and Louisa tell you about their agreed-upon favorite pie, and the occasions where it might be served.

Episode 37: Greek Salad

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Episode 37: Greek Salad

00:00 / 56:17

If the Sirens had sung of sweet tomatoes, glistening with rich olive oil, paired with refreshing cucumber, and scattered with pearl-white feta, to the illustrious Odysseus, he would have never returned to his rocky island home. Fortunately, it would be several millennia before all of those things came together in a salad bowl—which means it was several millennia and a few years before people started ruining it. Noah and Louisa fill you in.

Episode 36: Wedge Salad

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Episode 36: Wedge Salad

00:00 / 40:30

As we all know, food is at its most delicious when it is served in triangles. This salad, with its bacon and chives and its creamy blue cheese dressing, conjures the fantasy of eating an entire head of lettuce. (You can’t make Noah mention the tomatoes.) It’s our third episode of Salad Days. You know […]

Episode 35: Caprese Salad

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Episode 35: Caprese Salad

00:00 / 53:08

Basil. Cheese. Tomato. Oil. Long ago, the four ingredients sat together in harmony. Then everything changed when a bunch of people chucked some balsamic vinegar in there for some reason. Noah and Louisa investigate why people can’t just leave well enough alone. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on Twitter.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon.@NoSubsPlease on Cohost. Noah: @elderrumbao on Twitter, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party […]

Episode 34: Cobb Salad

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Episode 34: Cobb Salad

00:00 / 49:50

The only thing Noah likes less than cherry tomatoes and hard-boiled eggs in his salads are people who supposedly like those things finding ways to get around the fact that they’re key ingredients. So, for the first episode of our Salad Days, he and Louisa talk about all the different ways people try to get […]

Episode 33: Flan

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Episode 33: Flan

00:00 / 54:47

It’s the king of custards, the despot of desserts, the envy of every other meal-ender—and, as Louisa and Noah discover, the bane of a lot of cooks cursed by iffy ovens or too willing to cut corners.

Episode 32: Roasted Asparagus

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Episode 32: Roasted Asparagus

00:00 / 47:43

Let’s welcome spring into our lives with a tribute to one of the greenest vegetables around—and, we think you’ll agree, one of the most variegated episodes we’ve ever done. Noah and Louisa discover that there are some people who just shouldn’t be allowed near a produce section. Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon. Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social […]

Episode 31: Meatball Subs

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Episode 31: Meatball Subs

00:00 / 51:34

Anchors aweigh! Noah and Louisa cast off to take on these treasure-laden galleons of the sandwich fleet—or, more accurately, some of their worst captains. Do they land a broadside?

Episode 30: Deviled Eggs

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Episode 30: Deviled Eggs

00:00 / 54:34

Whether at a cocktail party or a down-home family picnic, these little vessels for mayonnaise and paprika are the picture of midcentury elegance. Noah and Louisa take on the most ovoid, and therefore most seasonally appropriate, of Easter foods.

Episode 29: Blueberry Muffins

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Episode 29: Blueberry Muffins

00:00 / 44:36

We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking we all know how blueberry muffins are made. Well, would that it were so simple. Noah and Louisa talk about how, for some people, there is no recipe so easy or so forgiving that it can’t be turned into a quagmire of quick bread.

Episode 28: Shepherd’s Pie

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Episode 28: Shepherd’s Pie

00:00 / 45:15

If you’re the weirdo who thinks we haven’t done enough British food, well, this one’s for you. Noah and Louisa discuss the classic comfort casserole that dares to say: is there anything better than a blanket of mashed potatoes over ground meat? Follow us:@NoSubsPlease on BlueSky.@NoSubsPlease@mastodon.online on Mastodon. Noah: @nsmckinnon.bsky.social on BlueSky, @nsmckinnon@laserdisc.party on Mastodon.Louisa: […]

Episode 27: Scrambled Eggs

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Episode 27: Scrambled Eggs

00:00 / 39:40

If you’ve been listening for a while, you know Noah tends to recoil when Louisa breaks out descriptors for eggs—so, naturally, we figured it was time to take the bull by the curds. Whether you like your scrambles French-style or nearly omeletted, we’re sure you’ll find someone to annoy you in this sojourn through the most controversial of breakfasts.

Episode 26: Buffalo Wings

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Episode 26: Buffalo Wings

00:00 / 57:43

The rare episode where both hosts have made the food in question. If you’re one of the three people left who doesn’t know where Noah lives, let him regale you with the tales of every petty argument he’s had to hear about this food. It’s chicken wings in orange hot sauce. It is not that complicated. How did you jackwagons even find a topic to be more insufferable on than the Bills?

Episode 25: Nutella

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Episode 25: Nutella

00:00 / 45:10

For this exciting milestone, Noah and Louisa decided to do things a little differently. This time, we cover recipes made with Nutella—decadence in a jar or overrated slop? Let them tell you all about it.

Episode 24: French Fries

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Episode 24: French Fries

00:00 / 44:21

How is this the most sacrilegious episode we’ve done yet? Noah and Louisa discuss that most quintessential of fried-tuber side dishes, that most incorrectly-named of fast-food staples: the French fry.

Episode 23: Cheesecake

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Episode 23: Cheesecake

00:00 / 42:14

Picture it: the Internet, 2023. Noah and Louisa discuss the dense and delicious dessert that, despite the doughtiest deeds of this delegate for the duty of description . . . does not start with a D. Look, it’s cheesecake. We love it. Let us tell you all about it.

Episode 22: Squash Soup

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Episode 22: Squash Soup

00:00 / 50:36

Did you know squash soups don’t have to taste like you puréed a pumpkin spice latte? Did you know Noah has actually made some of the foods on the show? This time, he and Louisa get to talk about all the different ways you, too, can make your soup as gourd as possible.

Episode 21: Minestrone

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Episode 21: Minestrone

00:00 / 50:42

Hearty soups, full of beans and tubers, are a regular feature of cucina povera—and, precisely because of that, are particularly susceptible to dinguses who want to overcomplicate things for no reason. Noah and Louisa get to talk about a soup one of them does not, in fact, particularly like.

Episode 20: Clams Chowder

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Episode 20: Clams Chowder

00:00 / 1:02:52

Bowlful of red, bowlful of white, or possibly a secret third bowlful: whatever kind of mood you’re in tonight, Noah and Louisa discuss the soup that will one day draw battle-lines across the Northeast.

Episode 19: Chicken Noodle Soup

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Episode 19: Chicken Noodle Soup

00:00 / 50:06

At its best, a wonderful savory restorative; at its worst, an unevenly-seasoned mess of mushy vegetables and bad meat. Noah and Louisa talk about that most famous of broths for the convalescent.

Episode 18: Donuts

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Episode 18: Donuts

00:00 / 43:04

We hear what you’re saying: wouldn’t it be easier to just buy some donuts at your local shop? Is it really worth making your own? As Noah and Louisa discover, some people tried—very few of them, as it turns out, with any real understanding of what they were doing.

Episode 17: Pesto

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Episode 17: Pesto

00:00 / 43:02

The perfect time to discuss fresh summer flavors: in the bleak midwinter. Let Noah and Louisa take you on a journey to the Mediterranean coast, where people get extremely het up about what goes in their green sauces.

Episode 16: Nachos

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Episode 16: Nachos

00:00 / 1:04:44

What’s great about nachos is how modular they are: no matter what protein, type of cheese, or toppings you prefer, there’s a plate of nachos out there you’ll like. And yet, somehow, there are people—quite famous people, of some renown in the recipe world—who have managed to screw them up. Noah and Louisa discover that, for the first time in NSP history, they have the ultimate definitional element for a great show: a recurring villain.

Episode 15: Fruitcake

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Episode 15: Fruitcake

00:00 / 51:44

Whether it’s steamed or baked, dense or light, a full-meal wedge or a dessert slice, there’s one thing both sides of the Atlantic ocean agree on: everyone absolutely hates this garbage food. Noah’s first fruitcake foray came on the same week as this episode was recorded, so Louisa gets to explain to him—and laugh at his increasing terror.

Episode 14: Pernil

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Episode 14: Pernil

00:00 / 51:01

Something like half of Puerto Rican Christmas carols involve the key subject of cooking pork. There is a good reason for this: it’s absolutely delicious. Let Noah and Louisa tell you about this magical dish and all the ways in which it’ll make you happy.

Episode 13: Roast Beef

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Episode 13: Roast Beef

00:00 / 48:56

Whether a Sunday dinner staple or the centerpiece of a beautiful holiday dinner, whether eye of round or prime rib, a roast beef treated well is a memorable treat. Louisa’s got the reins on this episode, as Noah asks her how to choose a good cut, tricks to combat shrinkflation-induced lean roasts, and more. Plus, courtesy of listener Matt, find out how one galaxy-brained genius decided to make his chili.

Episode 12: Stuffing

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Episode 12: Stuffing

00:00 / 35:33

Right now, a number of you are yelling the word “dressing” at your phones, and people think you’re being weird. Better to listen and find out how Noah and Louisa like this side dish, so often oddly restricted to Thanksgiving despite its many wonderful qualities. Plus: our second mailbag, sent in by another loyal reader, and . . . hoo boy, it’s a good one.

Episode 11: Turkey

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Episode 11: Turkey

00:00 / 49:06

If you went to a Thanksgiving dinner this coming week (*brag*), chances are pretty good the centerpiece of it was a turkey cooked to crispy and golden perfection. Or so we hope. For the people who didn’t quite get to enjoy that, Noah and Louisa have some things to say.

Episode 10: Mac & Cheese

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Episode 10: Mac & Cheese

00:00 / 57:47

As a tenth-episode bonus, they also do two firsts: dunk on a recipe they found on the Internet, and discuss a comment received from a reader!

Episode 9: Potato Leek Soup

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Episode 9: Potato Leek Soup

00:00 / 51:13

In the fall, a home cook’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of spuds—and, perhaps, leeks cooked in butter. Noah and Louisa discover that, no matter how simply a dish may be named, you can’t stop some people from overcomplicating it.

Episode 8: Spaghetti and Meatballs

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Episode 8: Spaghetti and Meatballs

00:00 / 50:20

What could be more Italian than spaghetti and meatballs? Well, to hear some people tell it, lots of things—and they might be right. Noah and Louisa attempt to defuse this source of ongoing cross-Atlantic tension.

Episode 7: Pumpkin Pie

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Episode 7: Pumpkin Pie

00:00 / 33:11

Our spookiest episode yet . . . well, if you’re scared of autumnal whiffs of mortality. Look, there’s not a whole lot of homemade Halloween foods, okay? Noah and Louisa did their best to be respectful to a serviceable pie. Some other people did not. These are their stories.

Episode 6: Fried Chicken

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Episode 6: Fried Chicken

00:00 / 49:31

Whether breaded, battered or even dredged—depending on your recipe—delicious poultry covered in equally tasty starch and goldened in oil is beloved the world over. Unless it’s made by some of the people Noah and Louisa tripped over in their research.

Episode 5: Rice and Beans

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Episode 5: Rice and Beans

00:00 / 44:34

Like all classic comfort food, they’re infinitely customizable in flavor, seasoning, texture, technique . . . and yet Noah and Louisa managed to find the one thing you probably shouldn’t do to them.

Episode 4: Caesar Salad

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Episode 4: Caesar Salad

00:00 / 36:56

Anchovies, mustard, torn lettuce—what is it with Caesars and causing arguments about classics? Noah and Louisa wade into the comment sections of the Internet to see what’s what.

Episode 3: Grilled Cheese

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Episode 3: Grilled Cheese

00:00 / 30:33

One cannot live on bread and cheese alone. Or can one? To answer that, Louisa and Noah toast up more of the Internet’s finest home cooks.

Episode 2: Chili

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Episode 2: Chili

00:00 / 46:29

Whether it’s about beans, tomatoes, onions, or garlic, no food seems to cause arguments with more frequency, or more vehemence, than good old chili. This week, Louisa and Noah try to get to the bottom of the bowl.

Episode 1: Chocolate Chip Cookies

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Episode 1: Chocolate Chip Cookies

00:00 / 42:26

Who doesn’t love the classics? For our first episode, Noah and Louisa take a look at that most famous and shareable of baked goods, regardless of breadth, crisp, or chew: the chocolate chip cookie.

Weekly Specials